been knitting some hats

they'll go to patients at a (somewhat) local cancer hospital - or cancer center - or whatever it's called. The yarn came from my mom's church. They were having what they called "Spring into Service." I went with my ten-year-old daughter. There were many worthy projects including; making gifts for patients at the VA hospital, jewelry kits for teens in a home, blankets for the senior center, care packages for service men and women overseas ... and more. Mikay and I worked on hats for cancer patients. At the end of the day (or rather, 4 hours), there was much leftover donated yarn. I brought home some green and melon-colored cotton. Several skeins (though I can't really remember the exact number right now and the are alllll the way in the other room). I thought they would make good summer hats because the yarn is lightweight and breathes well. Being cotton though, there isn't much give so I used the boyfriend hat pattern as best as my brain could remember without having to go to the trouble of looking it up again (which, interestingly, I had to look up in order to link it here). Love, love, love a k3 p2 ribbing! I figure I'll just keep knitting them until I run out of yarn.

This afternoon I finished hat #3 while watching Bones season two episodes on DVD.

the memory keepers daughter

Yesterday I finished reading "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" by Kim Edwards. I liked it! I picked it up on a whim while walking through Target a few weeks ago. I had never heard of the book or, I guess, the movie made from it. A lot of people said it's sad and it is. But it didn't depress me (a good thing!). It's reflective. It's though provoking. And while it's true there has been no dramatic one moment of my life that by itself defined every moment to come after, as there was for David, it made me stop to consider how things add up over time.

I loved the use of photography as a subject in the book but that probably isn't much of a surprise because it isn't exactly a secret that I love photography. She illustrates the way I feel about pictures very well and I wonder if my motivation isn't something like David's. If I don't somehow want to create a moment, a perfect moment. I want to stop time. I want to just hold on a little longer.

A good book. Even my husband has now picked up the book and started reading.

a flower for friday

this little flower is occupying a spot along my driveway usually reserved for dandelions and stray grass (which I am quick to pluck up). it is one "weed" with which I can live! 

when a writer can't write

This comment:

It's like when a writer can't write anymore after they lose someone

from a blogging friend who is really much sweeter than her blogger name would imply (snothead) got me thinking. Often times it feels like when the world is screaming around me I have no power to put even two coherent thoughts together, much less an understandable couple of paragraphs. Or an article - no. A couple or so years ago I did some freelance writing for the second largest paper in the state. It was the most fun job I've ever had. And then ... then we got the bad news about my mom. Terminal. And I could no longer write. It all seemed so meaningless. What was the point? I would look around and wonder ... I'd wonder why do people build buildings? What do they do, going to work? What is the point? It seems as though we are all playing this giant game with some made-up rules. But WHY?

And so suddenly I couldn't write. I could not write about the preschool music class or the performing dance group that had been dancing since I was a child. I no longer had the energy or brain capacity to think through an article. I no longer cared. 

My mom is still sick. But my mom is also still alive! We never imagined we'd still have her in 2009. You just never know with life. Things I've never though possible have happened and when the stress rises, I feel my ability to articulate evaporate like the morning dew when the sun rises up over the mountains. And I usually tuck my head under my wing or bury it in the ground, hoping for whatever-it-is to disappear but in so doing I think I'm waiting for my life to disappear. There will always be something. And sometimes I have to choose what I don't want because it is truly the best choice for the most people. My life isn't mine. That is a very odd concept. Not necessarily unsettling. Just odd. It belongs more to my children than to me. 

So there you go. I'm not sure what that all means - just that sometimes it gets difficult to write. And sometimes a simple comment can unleash a whole bunch of thoughts. I took a psychology class once where we were taught that memory is like the card catalog filing system the libraries used to have (remember those?). The first animal learned most often by babies is "Gog" (dog). Then every animal becomes a "gog" until the child gradually learns another animal, probably a kitty. The 'animal' drawer of their brain's card catalog starts with the 'dog' card which is followed by 'kitty' and others still. All connected. And we just went a little ways down one of mine.

because I think she's funny

and maybe you will too...

a blog about the cute and silly things Tessa says.

Enjoy!

some pictures

I've been taking pictures. Here are a few. Just for fun.

me

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my new friend

(s/he actually came in the house today,

but I had my husband let it back out. I see it every day)

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some amazing roses my awesome sister gave my mom for mothers day

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our new neighbor

scrapbox

So somewhat back from the nether world ... I wanted to share this super cool thing my cousin is trying to win:

Actually, I'm not sure which style she wants but if I were getting one, this would be the one I'd choose. And man! It looks cool too! Maybe someday if we can ever get that dang crap craft room cleaned out, I can get one. A girl can dream! Then I would no longer have to confess to scrapbooking merely in theory. I could actually do it again! How would that be? My poor little Tessa, who is almost 6, has only 3 pages in her book. 

ah wait, I see this is what she's trying to win. Also very cool!

Ok so these are awesome, you can watch a short video clip here. But if you watch it, consider yourself warned. It's super cool. And if you want to vote for my cousin to give her a chance to win one of her very own (and she is so nice and cute that she should win!) go here and vote for her picture (the snyder pictures page).