Thursday, September 17, 2009

survivors guilt

Survivors Guilt. It's real. From time to time I struggle with it. I looked through my photos just now to see if I snapped a picture one day in October of last year. I didn't, so I'll just have to describe it to you. Tessa and I went to Gardner Village (in Salt Lake, I think) with my sister and her two boys to see the witches on display. Funny, funny witches. Now Tessa loves her cousins, all of them. She wanted to hold onto the stroller to "help" Aunt Sarah push Baby L. Being even more helpful, she took the hand of her preschool-aged cousin E. From behind this scene I could barely keep my composure. Sarah. A little girl. Two little boys. That little girl should have, in my mind, been her Lucy. But it wasn't. Why did I get to have three healthy girls and then one sick one who survived just fine when Sarah had only one sick daughter who did not live to see a first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year or birthday? There really isn't any way I'll ever understand. It isn't fair.

You can read Sarah's point of view on a similar line of thinking on her blog but from another perspective. And, if you can, please donate to Lucy's tree. It's an amazing chance to give to sick children and their families.

some crafty content to come soon. I crocheted a little duck who seems to have waddled off & I'm also working on a turtle. I haven't had a lot of time for crafts because I recently started school. I figured I'd give being a grown-up a try for a change.


Nancy said...

What a touching post. Thank you for sharing.

The witch display looks intriguing. Where is it?

Wool Winder said...

Grief is hard to deal with sometimes. It has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.

What are you studying in school?

Marcia said...

Nancy, blogger didn't give me your email address this time, so here's my reply to you:

Hi Nancy! I've really dropped the ball as far as blogging goes. I miss my blog world! The witches are at a place called Gardner Village, I think it's in Salt Lake. I added a link to it in my post but here is the link if you are interested:

Snot Head said...

Awesome witches! I am glad to hear from you again. I had a dream recently that I was texting you and had actually called you to see if you were ok. Must have been my intuition...I didn't act on it, though.

We made it through Mom's 2 year anniversary, and it is one day later. It is mostly surreal this year. I didn't cry the entire day. I just felt reflective and wanted to celebrate the woman I remember her to be. It was strangely not what I expected.

Anyway, I wish I had some wisdom as to your questions. There is no rhyme or reason. Only God knows...Sometimes that is painful, and sometimes it is just easier...for me anyway.